What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter: A Life-Changing Guide to Mastering Self-Talk
Whether you’re struggling with confidence, trying to break bad habits, or simply looking for a mental edge in life or work, this book delivers practical tools grounded in neuroscience and behavioral psychology. Let’s explore the key ideas from Helmstetter’s game-changing book and how you can apply them in your daily life.
The Power of Self-Talk
What Is Self-Talk?
Self-talk refers to the internal dialogue or conversations we have within our own minds. It’s that constant mental dialogue running in the background of our minds. According to Helmstetter, these messages are not random; they are deeply influential, shaping everything from our attitudes to our actions.
From the moment we wake up to the second we fall asleep, we’re engaged in a never-ending conversation with ourselves. Helmstetter emphasizes that much of this self-talk is negative, often shaped by years of conditioning, criticism, and limiting beliefs we’ve unconsciously absorbed.
Why It Matters
The brain is incredibly responsive to language. Helmstetter explains that our subconscious doesn’t judge whether what we say is true or false—it simply accepts what we tell it as fact. That means if you constantly tell yourself you’re a failure, unworthy, or incapable, your brain will look for evidence to support that belief.
On the flip side, positive, intentional self-talk can rewire your brain, boosting confidence, improving performance, and even altering the trajectory of your life.
The Five Levels of Self-Talk
Helmstetter outlines five unique levels of self-talk, each reflecting a specific mental attitude or way of thinking. Understanding these can help you assess where you are—and where you need to go.
Level 1: The Negative Acceptance ("I Can’t")
This is the most destructive form of self-talk. Phrases like “I can’t do this,” “I’m not good at math,” or “I always mess things up” are typical examples. These statements reinforce failure and self-doubt.
Example: “I’ll never lose weight. I’ve tried everything.”
Negative acceptance is often so deeply rooted that we don’t even question it. But these statements are like mental roadblocks—we accept them as truth, and our behavior aligns accordingly.
Level 2: Recognition and Need to Change ("I Need To")
At this stage, you become aware that something needs to change, but you’re still stuck in inaction.
Example: “I need to stop procrastinating.”
While this level shows more awareness than Level 1, it still lacks the power to initiate change. It’s a transitional stage, a sign you're becoming more mindful, but you haven’t committed to action yet.
Level 3: Decision to Change ("I Never Again")
Here’s where things begin to shift. You’re no longer saying “I need to,” but “I will” or “I never will again.” Helmstetter describes this as a pivotal turning point.
Example: “I will never smoke again.” or “I will get up early every day.”
This kind of declarative self-talk is more assertive, but it’s still vulnerable to slipping if not reinforced with consistent, positive messaging.
Level 4: The Better You ("I Am")
Level 4 is a highly transformative and empowering form of self-talk. At this stage, you address yourself as the person you aspire to be—as though you’ve already stepped into that version of yourself.
Example: “I am confident and capable.”
“I am a successful entrepreneur.”
“I am healthy and energized.”
By speaking in the present tense, you start to believe and act like your best self. Your subconscious begins to align your behavior with this new identity.
Level 5: Universal Affirmation
The final level is more philosophical and spiritual. It extends beyond individual goals to include core values, a sense of purpose, and a feeling of interconnectedness.
Example: “I am one with the universe.”
“I live in alignment with my highest self.”
While not everyone may resonate with this level, it can be powerful for those seeking deeper meaning and spiritual growth.
How Self-Talk Shapes Your Life
Helmstetter doesn’t just talk theory—he dives into how self-talk impacts every area of life:
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Career and Success: People who engage in positive self-talk are more likely to take initiative, handle criticism, and pursue goals fearlessly.
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Health and Fitness: Your body responds to your mind. Believing you are strong, healthy, and disciplined can significantly affect your physical outcomes.
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Relationships: If you constantly tell yourself that you're not lovable or that others will reject you, you’ll unconsciously sabotage connections. Changing the way you talk to yourself can lead to healthier, more positive, and more meaningful relationships.
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Mental Health: Replacing negative scripts with empowering ones can reduce anxiety, increase self-esteem, and combat depression.
The Science Behind Self-Talk
Helmstetter's approach is backed by neuroscience and behavioral conditioning. The brain is very adaptable thanks to neuroplasticity—its ability to rewire itself based on experiences and thoughts.
Consistently repeating a message strengthens neural pathways in the brain, reinforcing the associated belief. The more you say something, the stronger that neural pathway becomes. That’s why self-talk is such a powerful tool—it literally shapes your brain.
